Managing expectations during the holidays is often needed; we see so many other people showing off what appear to be perfect set ups on social media, and tales of harmonious family time with no arguments and the must have present of the year secured. Getting a bunch of people together under one roof who all have slightly different ways of doing things can lead to rising tension. 2020 holidays are now made more complex by the COVID-19 pandemic – most countries have some kind of restrictions about what you can do and who you can meet up with, where and for how long. These rules are impacting our usual prep for the holidays – planning trips out, shopping, availability of goods/presents, traditions such as church, carols and parties.
We also have to now think about how to manage our social connections – who is in our bubble? Who can we visit? What about the usual alternate visits to extended family or the ability of teenagers to see friends, pub lunches and boozy evenings out with friends? On the face of it it can be pretty stressful. You might be anxious about illness, or this might be the first holiday since you lost someone, maybe a loved one is currently ill and needs support.
Managing expectations is key to a smooth ride this season; it may feel like a difficult discussion in the short term, but long term it will pay off. Here are some ways to tackle expectation conflict:
- Spend wisely – you may feel the need to over compensate with presents and food; this isn’t the year to try and keep up with the Joneses. Do what you need to do without compromising your financial stability – it makes sense to keep a little in the bank to help manage the turbulence of 2021. Make sure that this is communicated and understood – you may need to give children a measured explanation that helps them understand the situation without causing undue worry.
- Make planning visible and flexible for the specific period. Use a calendar to plan key activities within the constraints of COVID-19 and be upfront about potential changes.
- Try not to hold on – breathe and let go of old ways of doing things, allow others the space and grace to do what you might traditionally do, find alternate ways to connect and embrace the ability to do things differently. Express your feelings and listen to how others are feeling.
- Make the most of the outdoors – take advantages of the possibilities you might have under restrictions to meet with others outside. Make an adventure of it, pack some hot choc or mulled wine and get excited. If it is chucking it down with rain, refer to point 2.
- Be kind to yourself and identify what you really need. If you live alone or you are unable to meet with relatives, think about what you would need to still have connection without the expectations of a “normal” year. If you don’t want to do anything to celebrate, hey guess what, you don’t have to!
- Try to find the positive – there are some pay offs to a more restrained and less social Christmas. Perhaps you have obligations that you will be freed from and this year will be the first year in a long time that you can do exactly what you want, no expectations. Enjoy it.
